Fluttering stomachs
Shaky hands.
Cheeks sore
The warmth of a heart next to yours.
Why was I so scared?
I had nothing to fear.
I fell and you caught me
Jumped two feet into you
Just to sink further into each other
Your beautiful smile and hopeful eyes show me what I missed
The light at the end.
My favorite. 💕
I feel so lost with out you
So misguided
You were in my head burrowed into a little corner and watched everything
Now the room is vacant cold dark and empty
I feel you can’t stand to be around me only talking to me because of prior obligations
Short answers when we text and not explanation on how to fix it
I’m just searching for my friend but I keep getting a cold shoulder
You’re too sensitive
You’re so mean
You’re not trying
You’re trying too hard
You’re selfish
You don’t care about yourself
You’re too loud
Why are you being quite
You never invite me
Stop asking me to go
The mess I make
My mind is a dirt track. I’m running holes into pavement. Anxiety flowing through me like a flood gate. Instant regret with everything I do. Being numb was better. Not for you but for me. Sensitive and curdled emotions. Just trying not to fry my brain. Constantly hating myself. Constantly wishing I wasn’t so scared to leave. You’re better off. You can’t take care of me. You can’t make me happy. Im an empty sack. Torn and tattered dirty from the rain. I’m not functioning anymore I’m going through the motions the rhythm of life. I don’t even know what a spark is anymore. I’m fading and flickering. Wondering when do I get to have my light blown out. Darkness sounds like a dream
My heart hurts and aches.
To think you’ll always see me as a huge mistake
I wonder why I go back
Why I deal with the abuse
The verbal punching bag for you to feel better with
Toxic friend
Stewing in regret
I cant believe I ever wanted to be friends.
I’m last on the list and if I’m not on stand by
Then I get a phone click blocked calls and static air.
I get called out on social media and I can’t fix it
I can’t keep this toxic love I have for you.
Your oozing In waste and I’m just something to feed on.
I say I’m okay but I’m not okay.
It’s 3:50 am and as I lie awake wondering why I haven’t done it. Why haven’t I gone and just do it. You know instead of just contemplating it.
You know Suicide has been in the back of my mind since I was 15. Hard to believe and 15 yo would rather not be alive anymore. Hard to say out loud I never wanted to see 25. That voice today gets louder and louder every day. Every day I piss someone off. Everyday I drink everyday I do drugs. Everyday on my way home for work. I’d rather die in a car crash so my family has something to blame it on than to think I actually wanted to be hit.
Nothing about living sounds fun anymore. No husband or boyfriend no kids no house nothing. I try for better and I fall flat. Or maybe I want to fall short so again it helps get me closer. Hard to believe it’s been 9years now and I still everyday want to just call it quits and give in to every bit of that voice. Because being here sure as fuck isn’t where I want to be.
As a new love sprouts and grows.
Passions grow to new depths and the urge to be close gets stronger.
Last love made you forget how amazing having that partner was. Made you forget things can be good and there doesn’t always have to be a fight.
New love is passionate, out going, a tremendous lover. Everything you ever wanted.
The thought of that very human makes your body warm and shake. The moment your lips touch it’s electric and you can’t help yourself fall.
Letting yourself feel again and not being hurt is something you forgot. The way he speaks to you melts your heart.
His insecurities are the same as yours and it’s the fear of letting people in. Moving closer and closer together. Letting each other in and become one. Fusing into someone better for each other.
The darkness fading till you finally see a light peeking in. Letting that grow into shear golden blindness. The bliss you get being with one another is a craving you have through out the day.
You’re a drunk fix
Hearts heavy tongues twist
Take me hold me
Cling on to me till I’m sober.
It’s over
Adrenaline slows
No longer wanting haunting
Waiting and hating my self
Top shelf I drink
Till I think
Drunk fix
Bitter child
Life’s funny with what it throws at you.
One day your okay going about your day settling for less than.
Then the next you get granted with a feeling.
A feeling of happiness subtle feeling of content.
Smiles bigger than the moon. Eyes just as bright.
Feeling of warmth. In the winter. Cool breeze in the summer.
Hands touch. Head rush. Blood hot. Feelings burn
Wasting time. wasting space. Sitting so close we’re face to face.
Lean in close. Craving the feeling we want most.
Lips touch. Soft and swift. Then again. Passion comes next.
No longer feeling content. Excited and ready.
Lay down heads heavy. Tired eyes. Resting in your arms.
No alarm just slow breaths. Waking up to sunsets.
Hoping to feel these feelings once again.
I wish I was an easy fix. I wish I knew what was wrong or off about me. It’s so hard faking my emotions. It’s so hard not being taken seriously when I try to talk. I honestly don’t even know how to put into words how I feel.
(via murderousbreakdowns)
I’ve been getting nightmares of you and her. Anxiety and hot sweats. I get sleep paralysis. You are nothing but anxiety to me.
It’s difficult to lie to myself every day. To tell myself I’m not in love with my ex. How you living here complicates me. How I’m never fully happy. I leave town, leave state and I’m not happy. I Binge watch a show that relates to me a lot. And sadly it’s not the good parts. It’s the sick unhappy parts. The parts that drink. The parts that say I’m waiting for someone to make me happy. The parts the push and self sabotage in order to not feel. Because every time I feel, something bad happens. I let myself feel too much…me being happy is a temporary thing that never last long. Being around people with a smile on my face is a temporary emotion. Everyday I want to just let go and stop being here but I think of the people around me. And it’s hard to know if they truly love me or love the person I let in cuz I never show my raw form. She’s never allowed to be seen.
